“Raising Happy and Responsible Children: Instincts, Foundations, & Guidelines” by QACP Parent Educator, Kate Calhoun

“The behavior you consistently surround your child with will profoundly influence how your child turns out.”

“Most parenting successes are a result of what parents DO when emotions run hot and when things are difficult.  Actions speak louder than words.”

“Brains are pre-loaded with an innate moral awareness. (Loyalty, justice, empathy, respect for authority, and prescriptions against social violence.) How we parent makes the difference in whether moral behavior will develop.  Moral awareness does not equal moral behavior.  It has to be ‘taught’ and ‘caught.’”    -John Medina

Imitative Instincts

At birth babies have the ability to learn by watching and imitating behavior.

Example: A forty-two minute old baby who watches someone stick his tongue out will copy the behavior. Brains are designed to learn by imitating observed behavior.

Example: At about 14 months old, a baby develops the ability to understand ‘object permanence’. They learn this when parents play the ‘Peek-a-Boo’ game. Children delight in learning that things that can’t be seen are still there.

Children continue to learn by reading faces and body language, and by observing what other people are doing.

Laying a Strong, Firm Foundation for Young Children

“Parents must lay down the ‘bricks through the swamp’ to offer kids a solid foundation. Children develop social skills when parents lay down the rules and structure kids need to know to navigate the social world.” –John Medina

12-14 months  – Kids think: “The whole world revolves around me.”

14-24 months – Kids are learning: “There are rules and different perspectives.” They begin to realize that other people have a different point of view than they do.

24 months – Kids explore and test to see how stable and consistent the rules are.  KIDS MUST TEST THE RULES OVER AND OVER. Sometimes referred to as the ‘Terrible Two’s’…kids at this developmental stage need to test rules to make sure things are okay and stable in their world.

Toddlers test to get a predictable, consistent response. It’s not helpful or emotionally healthy to yell or use a loud voice. Stay calm. It helps when parents learn to say ‘no’, ‘stop’, etc. in a calm, firm voice with body language that offers a congruent message. This is not the time to give in to your child, or to let your toddler’s behavior influence your rules. Kids’ feel emotionally safe and their behavior improves when parents use clear and consistent limit-setting and guidance strategies.

Guidelines for Teaching Rules to Preschool Age Children (3-5)

HAVE CLEAR RULES – Use clear and simple language when telling your child about a rule. Make sure both parents and additional caregivers use the same rules as often as possible.

EXPLAIN THE RULES – Teach your child the importance of the rule. Give a simple explanation that tells why you have the rule. Children ages 3 to 5 are more compliant when rules are understood. They are more able to reason and make decisions based on information.

BE KIND AND FIRM – When telling the rules and setting your boundaries, use a tone of voice and actions that show your child that the rule is important, that you care about his feelings, and you that intend to stick to your rules. Being kind and firm at the same time takes some patience and practice. Think of yourself as a coach. You are on the same team with your child. You expect your child to learn new skills with the support of your teaching and guidance.

BE CONSISTENT – Once you decide on your rule or strategy, it’s essential that you make a big effort to follow through and be consistent. When your behavior is consistent your child will find it easier to follow the rules and become more compliant. Children feel emotionally safe when they can predict what behavior is expected of them.

“Parents need to be the source of stability for kids. Consistent parenting rules increase brain development. If rules are not consistent, there is an increased likelihood of pediatric psychiatric disorders.”  -John Medina

Hold steady to your rules. Having rules and routines that are stable helps young kids handle everyday life events, including changes within the family.

Kids can learn, adapt and respond to different people and their rules. They will learn Mom’s rules, Dad’s rules, and the teacher’s rules.  It helps when parents and other caregivers are consistent and use the same rules as much as possible.

OFFER PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT – Remember to notice your child’s effort to follow rules and guidelines. Encourage your child with a hug, ‘way to go!’, ‘you did it!’, thumbs up or high-five to show you appreciate her effort and compliance.

Author Kate Calhoun is a Parent Educator for Queen Anne Cooperative Preschool (QACP). She regularly works with co-op families via her teaching assignments through both Edmonds Community College and Seattle Central Community College. This article was a part of Kate’s Winter 2017 educational series. The material she references is based on John Medina’s presentation for educators in Everett, WA (January 8, 2011) and in his book entitled: Brain Rules for Baby – How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five, Pear Press  2010.

“Spring, Blossoms & Thoughts….” by QACP Parent, Nidhi Kirpal Jayadevan

A walk around the neighborhood with my preschooler the other day, was more eye opening than I had anticipated. As we stopped to look at cherry blossoms and marveled at the new spring flowers, I savored the deliciousness of being a child. I cherished, pausing and relishing his excitement.

A bitter sweet feeling swept over me, though. At the end of the day, these precious moments and times are but fleeting. I was reminded of a wonderful poem I chanced upon at QACP. It aptly impresses upon the importance and joy of parents becoming children, and seeing the world through their little ones’ eyes.

My Child by Diana Loomans
If I had my child to raise over again…
I’d finger paint more, and point fingers less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch more with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious and seriously play.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I’d be firm less often and affirm more.
I’d model less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

“Cookie Conundrum,” by QACP Parent, Nidhi Kirpal Jayadevan

I’m famished, but I need to get out of the house. It’s my only window of opportunity to get some errands out of the way!

I buckle up my toddler in his car seat, and as soon as I’m all set to zoom, what do I see? A gigantic sugar cookie lying carelessly and enticingly on the passenger seat. Clearly, it’s a sign!

The lone cookie was from that time many days ago, when I had bought a bunch for something, I can’t even remember. Whatever! I start munching. It felt good. SINFULLY good!!

And here comes the downer. My son wants in too, and I don’t want to give in! For one, the cookie is MINE, and second, no cookies for my toddler!

So, I do, what only a responsible momma would. No, I don’t give up the cookie. I say, “It’s mama’s snack.” It’s not a lie at all. Of course, my son believes me. There’s no doubt it is MY snack, given how I’m devouring it with the utmost joy! But he still wants some – “Cookie! want some.”

That’s when I resort to Plan-B. It’s one of throwing out words and phrases that are open to reiteration, discussion and interpretation. “Cookie? It’s actually mama’s snack.” At this point, he gives me the ‘I understand what you’re saying’ look, and also, looks a bit confused – why can’t you share it with me? Isn’t that what you’re always telling me to do???

As a parent, we all have a special gift. The gift of reading our kids’ minds. And believe me when I say this: I really wished I didn’t have this ‘gift’. So, what do I do? I literally gulp down the enormous cookie, in about a second, and start a loquacious and animated conversation about our Oh! so exciting trip to the grocery store.

He buys it all, forgets about the cookie that was so skillfully denied to him, and both mama and baby happily stroll down the multiple aisles of produce and dairy. I kid you not! A sugar high most definitely sweetens the mundane in a most delightful way!

I learned something that day. I got an insight into the mind of a toddler through this weird role-reversal episode. With this new sensibility, I hope to be a little more empathetic to my toddler’s frequent propensity of genuinely not wanting to share!

“Cell-Free Days: A Lesson for Mama,” by QACP Parent, Nidhi Kirpal Jayadevan

It was one of those crazy mornings. Something that almost every parent can relate to – a late start, school drop off, rain, toddler in tow…. You get the drift!

You’d also agree, that often, all this chaos culminates into a clumsy, yet clinical drop of a cell phone. A fall so strategic that your lifeline, your cell phone is smashed beyond recognition, beyond repair.

And that’s exactly what happened to me. That’s right! I was sans mobile for a few days. I looked at my cracked phone wistfully and helplessly. A phone is a phone is a phone. What’s the big deal? But here’s the thing: Old habits die hard.

Even though my cell was dead, I longed to check my FB feed. The luxury I could afford myself when I had a few seconds to veg-out. I missed being able to read the news on the go. Something I liked to do when I had a few minutes to check-in with the world. I was unable to take cute pix of my boys to capture those “Awww…” moments that we as parents do every now and then.

It was an odd, lonely feeling, until I got used to not having my cell be the conduit of my escape or reality. In a weird way, I felt more “present”. I saw and listened more as my pace of life had somewhat slowed down. I was having more engaging conversations with my family. I was forced to remember more since I couldn’t instantly capture it all.

I don’t think I realized it till I lost my beloved former “friend”. The preoccupation of having the power to send out that email now (versus later) is all pervasive. Previously I was so focused on snapping the “now” that I often forgot to savor the moment. My cell-free days had me smelling the roses. Now that I have my old friend back, I welcome it, but it’s definitely second to the roses I found 🙂

Complete Water Safety for Kids

Guest Blog Post by Alex Robbins of Safety Today

Children love to spend hot summer days by the lake or the backyard pool. As a parent, it’s common to worry about the safety of your child. According to Injury Facts 2016, 3,391 drownings occurred in 2013. Twelve percent of those who drowned were children under the age of 5. Drowning is the 2nd leading cause of death in children under the age of 14. Armed with these facts, it is important that you take the necessary precautions to prevent any water-related accidents for your child. Here are a few water safety tips and guidelines you can enforce.

Enroll in swim lessons

Your child can be introduced to the water as early as 6 months of age, however, the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend formal water safety programs until the age of 1. Evidence has shown that children ages 1 to 4 may be less likely to drown if they have had proper swim instruction. Swim lessons will educate your child on how to relax, breathe and float in the water. They will also learn the proper safety guidelines of water activity, however it is important that you enforce them. Although your child will be practicing independence in the pool, your supervision is still a must. If you are not a strong swimmer, it is advised that you take lessons as well. To find water safety classes in your area, visit the American Red Cross or YMCA.

Adult supervision is needed at all times

Taking swim lessons does not guarantee an accident-free swimming experience. Learning to swim lowers the risk of drowning, but children still need to be supervised by the water at all times. It only takes 25 seconds for a child to become submerged, and they can drown in as little as 2 inches of water. If you are going to be in a distracted environment such as a party, assign one or two adults to monitor the children. If there are going to be toddlers in the water, assign an adult to be an arm’s length away. This is called “touch supervision”. It is recommended that each supervising adult is CPR-certified. As a parent, you may want to take CPR training as a skill to have in any environment. Training classes are typically offered at local hospitals and fire departments.

If your child will be using a donut float or a “noodle” in the water, you will still need to keep an eye on them. Arm floaties and other accessories do not aid in preventing drowning incidents. If you would like your child to have added protection, use a Coast Guard-approved life jacket. These vest are fitted to your child and are the only guaranteed safe floatation device available. You may purchase these vest at a sporting good store or from various online retailers.

Safety first

It’s natural for your child to feel a rush of excitement when around the water, but you must enforce all the proper guidelines before turning them loose. There should be bsolutely no running or pulling others into the water. They must ask an adult for permission before going for a swim. Also, if a group of children are involved, appoint each child a “buddy” to keep an eye on at all times. If they should lose sight of their buddy, tell them to alert an adult immediately.

Safety saves lives. As a parent, it is your job to do all you can to ensure that your child has an incident-free experience by the water. Use these guidelines for your peace of mind while your child enjoys a summer full of fun water activities!

Mr. Robbins is the father of three lively boys. He considers home safety to be a number one priority and is part of the wonderful team at Safety Today, a community of parents and professionals promoting safety in the home and the community.

Play Foam on the Plane: A Twos Class Travel Tip by Nidhi Kirpal Jayadevan

There’s something pretty awesome and intriguing about play-foam, or “floam” if you may. It is light, sticky and gooey in a weird way. Floam has this beady texture; plus it’s inexpensive and not messy.
One of the things that I almost ALWAYS travel with when I’m on a plane is this ball of blue floam. My kids, 2 and 5 (boys, at that, too!) who are generally shifty, LOVE floam. Otherwise easily distracted, they find immense joy and comfort in squishing this amazing “thing.”
After the kneading, pounding, pinching, “ball-making” is all done, the boys start jabbing plastic dinosaurs into their respective floamy piles. This is followed by putting all of this on Hot WheelsTM cars.
Once all this is done, I usually pull out coffee stirrers, and somehow the game is all about dinosaurs in fast cars out in space….You get the drift 😊
At the end of ALL this, either it’s time to land, or nap, or a snack is on the horizon! Time passes, and the kids have clocked in a fair amount of self-driven creative play. Win-win?
Sure, there are books, crayons and digital tablets that are intrinsic plane activities. Throw floam into the mix too, and you won’t regret it, I promise!

Find floam (and benefit QACP) at Amazon: http://amzn.to/2lytKI2

 

 

 

 

 

This post contains affiliate links.

Early Intervention for Long Lasting Benefits, by QACP Parent Educator Rebecca Hoyt

The earliest years of childhood are a period rapid development unlike any other time in our lives. It is a period punctuated with many firsts that parents will always remember: first smile, first word, first steps. These enormous leaps are the product of a myriad of complex processes that integrate development across five domains: fine motor, gross motor, communication, social/emotional, and cognitive. Development tends to happen in a predictable sequence which provides parents with a schedule of growth in children – we know that a baby will babble before she speaks and crawl before she walks. What we do not always know is when it will happen for individual children. Children change and grow according to their own individual developmental track and most arrive at their developmental destination within the expected age-range. According to the CDC, however, 1 in 6 children do not reach their particular milestones within the normal time limit and have a developmental delay.

A developmental delay is simply that – a delay in a child’s development – and the best course of action is early intervention. Because development builds upon itself and multiple domains are involved in the culmination of milestones, a delay in one domain can have a cascading effect that interferes with development in other domains. A motor delay – or a difficulty coordinating muscle groups – can contribute to a speech delay if a child can’t move his tongue to form certain sounds. Intervention, such as physical therapy or speech therapy, can help to alleviate the root delay, as well as stem subsequent delays. Early intervention is especially important because of the unparalleled brain development that occurs in early childhood. During this critical period, the neural circuitry that supports learning is at its most flexible and, therefore, most open the change. By taking advantage of this window of opportunity, early intervention can change the developmental trajectory for a child.

Your pediatrician performs developmental checks during your child’s Well Check appointments. If you happen to have a Well Check appointment coming up, you can use the Bright Futures checklist as a point of reference for measuring your child’s development. These are questionnaires were developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics specifically for Well Check appointments. If you are feeling uneasy about your child’s development or a loss of developmental gains and you do not have an upcoming visit with your pediatrician, schedule one right away and let your doctor know you would like to discuss your child’s development. Prior to your appointment, you can check your child’s development against a developmental milestone checklist that covers a wider range of skills than the Bright Futures questionnaire. Checklists available through the CDC and and the Department of Early Learning may help you identify areas where you are concerned. It also helps if you write down a few concrete examples to illustrate your concerns to your doctor. Observations from caregivers and/or preschool teachers are also useful. Your doctor should gather information from you and your child to determine if an evaluation is warranted. If your doctor urges you to “wait and see,” ask for clear guidelines as to just how long you should wait before coming back. If you aren’t satisfied with your doctor’s response or can’t ignore that voice in the back of your head, there are several things you can do that do not require a doctor’s referral.

The Early Intervention Program for Infants and Toddlers With Disabilities, or Part C of the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), is a federal grant program that offers statewide program of services and supports for children birth through 2 years old with developmental delays. In King County, WithinReach facilitates evaluation and early intervention services for children 3 and under. You can get started by calling their Family Health Hotline at 1-800-322-2588. They also offer a free online developmental assessment for children under 5 ½ years old called the Ages and Stages Questionnaire. It will be expertly scored and results returned to you within a week with recommendations. If you child is between the ages of 3-5, you can request a screening through the Child Find program sponsored by Seattle Public Schools. Call 206-252-0805 to set up a screening. Lastly, the Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers (M-CHAT) is a screening tool for toddlers between 16 and 30 months of age to help identify children who may benefit from a more thorough developmental and autism evaluation.

Speaking from personal experience, it can feel frightening to first consider that your child might be delayed, followed by a rush of emotions when your concerns are confirmed. We all know that parenting is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to acknowledge the tug of parental instinct that refuses to be ignored. As Mark Twain said, “Courage is resistance to fear; mastery of fear – not the absence of fear.” So we must master our fear so that our children can master their potential.

Your Parent Educators and Children’s Teachers are here to support you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have concerns about your child’s development.

Policy Highlight: QACP SCHOLARSHIP GUIDELINES*

Queen Anne Cooperative Preschool (QACP) offers a tuition assistance program. Any family that feels they need a reduced tuition for their child to attend QACP is urged to apply. Each year, QACP sets aside a fixed budget for tuition assistance.

There are two ways QACP awards tuition assistance: financial aid and scholarships. Financial aid is awarded first to eligible families who meet pre-defined income guidelines (see our co-op’s handbook). These are based on the Department of Health and Human Services guidelines, which also form the basis of the National School Lunch Program income eligibility guidelines.

If funds remain, scholarships may be awarded to families whose income exceeds the limit for financial aid, but who have expressed a financial hardship. All award decisions are confidential and are made and approved by the Board of Directors. To apply, complete the Scholarship Application and submit to the QACP Treasurer by the applicable date listed in the “Important Dates Calendar.”

Applications received after these dates will be reviewed on a first come, first serve basis if funds remain. The Treasurer will review and present the application confidentially to the Scholarship Committee, which consists of the Treasurer, Assistant Treasurer, and one Board Chair.

Internal applicants will be notified of their tuition assistance decision prior to the registration lottery. External and late registering families will be notified after class lists have been prepared. Families submitting applications after the deadline will be notified after the next scheduled Scholarship Committee meeting.

With respect to QACP’s refund policy: (1) for internal families registering in March, internal scholarships will be processed the same night as registration lottery, and (2) you will be contacted before checks are deposited as they will be returned to you before official class list is set, or (3) for external/late registering families, registration and other fees will be refunded if you did not receive 75% of the scholarship listed under the income guidelines.

If you have any questions, please contact the Treasurer at treasurer@queenannecoop.org

*QACP reserves the right to modify the financial aid policy and the amount of financial aid provided at any time.

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Member Spotlight: Jamie Djelosevic

Why did our family join co-op? I wanted to be involved in the class on a weekly basis and it seemed like co-op would provide a smoother transition into school for my son and myself (which it has!) QACP was a cost-friendly option in a wonderful neighborhood, plus I wanted my family to meet other kids in the community. When we toured I also loved our co-op Admissions Team Member because she was energetic/fun and lit up the big, bright classroom space.

Why we continue to register at QACP? I don’t think I fully understood what “building a parenting community” meant until co-op, but what a great feeling it is knowing and having so many friends nearby! Those moments are energy boosters and stress relievers! QACP gave me purpose and even a few challenges because being a board member can be hard work at times. We do feel that the rewards of helping members of your child’s school and the local community are addicting in a great way because of the responsibility a co-op parent has outside of watching their own kids (which has been very motivating for me!)

What do you really enjoy about co-op? I especially like being in the classroom with my own child watching his interactions outside of his home-life because it is fascinating to me. The QACP routine has been great for the whole family and I LOVE Teachers Linda and Amy! The play-based curriculum/structure of the classroom also fits our family’s style and the multiple adults in the classroom is a great fit for us too. I also appreciate the diverse personalities of teachers and parent assistants working with my child. My son is eager to always talk about and show us his school things because he is proud that he has friends and responsibilities at school (bell ringer is a big deal at our house!)

How is Pre-K unique at our co-op? For example, the kids have more responsibilities (a job everyday), projects must be done at some point (they may choose to wait five minutes, but then need to go work on the project), children are learning to write and are given multiple opportunities to do so daily, classroom sharing involves the other kids asking questions, our school offers many field trips, almost daily adventures to the playground, cooking weekly, and reading comprehension lessons.

What were we looking for in a Pre-K to get our child “Kindergarten Ready”? Our family wanted daily exposure to a school setting, introduction to writing and phonemic awareness (pre-reading skills), a play-based curriculum (versus a strict academic routine), and an actual non-daycare type pre-kindergarten nearby so my son could hopefully meet friends in the neighborhood.

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Friends and Making Amends by Pam McElmeel

novblogcoverphotoWhat can a parent do to help a child develop the skills needed to become the sort of person others will want to have as a friend? Isn’t it a natural progression of the maturation process for children to just pick up the behaviors that attract and maintain friendships? Much of the research focusing on young children and the development of “friendly” behaviors indicates that there are some very specific skills that make a child be a sought-after playmate. These skills must be modeled and/or directly taught. More importantly, there must be an expectation the skills will be applied when the appropriate situation arises.

Some skills are obviously important for developing friendships. Data tells us that children look for a playmate who has good ideas for play interactions and who knows how to take turns. They want someone who listens to them and does not insist on being first all of the time. A child who smiles is inviting even when no words are used. Most children also want their friends to be trustworthy so when they build a tower they can be assured their friend will not knock it down before they are ready to have it destroyed. However, one of the most important behaviors for helping children learn about being a good friend is often one that is forgotten about. Teachers and parents alike frequently forget to help children learn to make amends.

Making amends after demonstrating inappropriate and unfriendly behavior is very important to the playmate that was the “injured party.” Frequently, an “unfriendly” behavior is apologized for by saying “sorry. ” This means little to the victim and can be totally meaningless to the perpetrator because it is so easy to say and then be done with an uncomfortable situation. Whether the injury is to body, property or pride, the result for the injured party is a broken trust with the friend who caused the injury. In order for that bond to be restored, the friend must do something to reassure the victim that this kind of injury will not happen again. There has to be some cost to the unfriendly acting friend.

We know that the brain learns best when the levels of stress-related neurotransmitters are raised but not flooding the dendrites. When a child must plan how to make amends to rebuild the bond with a friend and then implement that action new learning is taking place. At the time of a break in the friendship bond, the victim may not want to be hugged or touched by the perpetrator, but a drawing, a flower, a new toy or a favorite treat presented at a later time can act as a request to start over, to try again. Young children recognize at an early age how to comfort someone although they may not understand why. It is our job as teachers and parents to help children learn how to be a good friend and the value of attempting to rebuild a relationship that went off course. The work the perpetrator must do helps him learn about controlling his behavior and the victim learns something about forgiveness.

As you interact with your friends, remember your child is watching and listening. You will teach them a great deal about establishing friendships and how to treat friends by the actions you take. As you interact with your child, model “friendly” play skills and explain why you are acting this way. If you are witnessing his interactions with others, pay close attention and make positive comments when he demonstrates any of the above skills. If an interaction goes awry, then help your child go beyond saying, “I’m sorry.” Help them understand how precious a friend is and how making amends is how he can show his wounded friend that he has learned a lesson and wants to be a good friend. Before a playdate, outline your the friendly behaviors you expect him to use. After the playdate debrief with him by asking for examples of one or two ways he acted like a good friend. Supporting his learning about friendship will be learning that will last a lifetime.